Where Are All The Fat Elves?

Elves: tall, lean, adventure machines. Just look at them, on the left side of this picture. But where are all the fat Elves? World of Warcraft lets you customize your character's face, but not the body. Maybe I'd like to make a round, fat Elf with a big beer belly, one who'd let himself go, with all his time spent reading magical tomes instead of working out. Maybe he's been hitting the Lembas pretty hard lately. But I can't have one, because officially there are no fat Elves.

I have a theory about this, though. Physically, biologically, there must be fat Elves. You just don't see them. Probably Elven culture makes most Elves extremely vain and body-conscious, kind of like Venezuelans. The fat Elves stay at home, out of public view, to avoid ridicule, while they walk on enchanted treadmills and work their Elven Thighmasters.

(To the tune of "Where Have All The Flowers Gone?")

Where have all the fat Elves gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the fat Elves gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the fat Elves gone?
Liposuctioned every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?