Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Cost Per Wearing

A coworker told me that when she thinks about her clothes, she divides the cost by the number of times she has worn the item to get the "cost per wearing," and then she decides whether it was a good deal. I do not think about clothes this way at all.

For example, I rarely wear ties, so in terms of "cost per wearing" I would be better off buying a really cheap tie since I will not wear it often. But I look at it the other way around: a person who wore ties often would need a lot of them, but I can spend my whole "tie budget" on just a few really nice ties. Therefore, I tend to buy expensive ones.

My coworker's model of things strikes me as funny for another reason, too. The more clothes you have, the less often you will wear any one piece. So in terms of "cost per wearing" reasoning, buying a new piece of clothing decreases the value of all the clothes you already own. So it would be counterproductive to buy new clothes.

Welcome to Oregon

Oregonians are known for not wanting more people to move here, no matter how recently they themselves moved to the state. So during times of excellent weather, like we've been having in the last few weeks, true Oregonians worry that visitors might see this weather and decide to move here.

I think this attitude is old-fashioned and silly, so I no longer care whether people move to Oregon. Instead, I just want some of the people here now to leave. Specifically, I want people who run red lights to leave. Leave now. Go ahead, run every red light between here and the border, just don't come back.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Click Click Click

Have you ever noticed how when people use computers on TV shows, they are always perfect typists and everything always works on the first try?

TV version

Big Boss: We need that data now! There's no time to lose!

Nerd: [click-click-click] OK, here is the answer.

Real life version:

Big Boss: We need that data now! There's no time to lose!

Nerd: [click-click-click] Error? What, did I spell it wrong? Hold on. [click-click-click] Oh. Was it -d or -D? Wait. OK, maybe it wasn't in this directory. Where was . . . [click-click-click] I don't have permission? But this worked fine yesterday! What's going on? [click-click-click] I don't get it.

Big Boss: Did you try rebooting?

Nerd: [click-click-click] Not yet. OK I'll reboot. [click-click-click]

Big Boss: Have you got the data yet?

Nerd: Still waiting for it to finish rebooting.

Big Boss: Maybe it's hung. You could try powering down.

Nerd: Give it a few minutes. It looks like it's coming back up . . . OK. What was the data we needed again?

Big Boss: Never mind, it's too late, the bad guys escaped.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Dog on a Hot Tin Woof

At the theater . . .

Announcer: "With the exception of bottled water, no beverages will be allowed in the theater."

Me: "And with the exception of monkeys and small yappy dogs, no pets will be allowed in the theater either."

We saw My Fair Lady, and they played it broad and goofy, which is just how I like it.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

And you will know me by the trail of spam

Me: What's your email?
Friend: It's --------@---------------
Me: Ok, I'll send you stuff
Friend: Wait, how will I know it's not spam?
Me: Don't worry, I'll set the subject line to "refinance your home mortgage for low low rates + free viiagr4"

Tuesday, March 01, 2005


"I need a velenope."


"A velenope. You know, an envelope. I was going to start talking in anagrams, but I see now it's not carptical."