Monday, November 28, 2005

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Bird Flu Rap

I like to stay ahead of the trends, so I wanted to be the first person to write a rap song about bird flu. Someday these will be everywhere, and critics will describe an up-and-coming star as "just another bird flu rapper." Anyway, imagine this in the style of your favorite rap artist.


Bird Flu Rap

all around the world birds droppin' like flies
mynahs, mallards, and magpies
from Rome to Manila there's a new killa virus
make you all achy like Billy Ray Cyrus
hear a sucka cough then watch him sicken
shoulda known better than to touch that chicken
seagulls, eagles, turkeys too
even Big Bird's got Asian bird flu

bird flu spreadin' through the land
bird to bird to man to man
bird flu spread like butter on toast
gonna hit hard like Katrina hit the gulf coast
flu spreadin' crow to crow
stork to swan to pimp to ho,
what do you do to dodge that flu?
a gangsta gotta do what a gangsta gotta do

birds become killers like a Hitchcock movie
every little chirp make a shiver run through me
you'll be the shadow of the waxwing slain
once that virus hits your veins
try to survive, I advise drive-bys
shoot up the coops and watch the feathers fly
more birds comin' on a winged migration
humans facin' annihilation

bird flu spreadin' through the land
bird to bird to man to man
bird flu spread like butter on toast
gonna hit hard like Katrina hit the gulf coast
flu spreadin' crow to crow
stork to swan to pimp to ho,
a new day dawns with a cock-a-doodle-do
just another page in the book of bird flu

got no time for quarantines
no Superdome scenes like New Orleans
I come out fightin', strong like Tyson
if a sucka's sick then I got to ice him
you got the virus, I got a Glock
can't let you infect the whole block
if you're coughin' on me, I've got a coffin for you
that's what you get when you got the bird flu

bird flu spreadin' through the land
bird to bird to man to man
bird flu spread like butter on toast
gonna hit hard like Katrina hit the gulf coast
flu spreadin' crow to crow
stork to swan to pimp to ho,
a new day dawns with a cock-a-doodle-do
just another page in the book of bird flu

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Thought for Food

I have been thinking about genetically modified foods, specifically their interaction with religious diets.

If scientists genetically altered shrimp to have fins and scales, would they become kosher? "These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat." *

And what about rabbits? "And the hare, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you." Therefore genetically modified rabbits with cloven hooves would be OK?

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Boondocks

Now that The Chapelle Show is gone, maybe The Boondocks can take its place. This animated show has political and politically-incorrect comedy that reminds me of Chapelle. I don't think I've ever seen a cartoon that uses the N-word before.

I laughed when Granddad explained to the kids how there is "a new type of White man now, who loves fancy cheeses." I think maybe they are talking about me.

Hello CEO

It would be funny to go into a serious business meeting, sit down, and then pull out a Hello Kitty notepad and Hello Kitty pen to take notes. "OK, let's discuss the terms of this merger."

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Register Now


Space is limited, so pre-register now for the meeting with Clara and get your badge. Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Beyond Le Thunderdome

From a New York Times article, Nov 8, 2005, about the rioting in France:

France was slow to react to the spreading violence set off by the accidental deaths of two youths on Oct. 27, in part because the initial nights of unrest did not seem particularly unusual in a country where an average of more than 80 cars were set on fire every day this year even before the violence.

Wait, 80 cars torched is just a normal day? Wow. But how does that compare to the U.S.? This report says that there were 18,070 motor vehicle arsons reported in the U.S. in 2004. That would be just under 50 per day. And the U.S. has a much larger population. So 80 per day in France does seem high.

Decor

I picked up one of my girlfriend's home decorating magazines and looked inside. The styles looked a bit opulent for our lifestyle and budget. I told her we weren't that fancy, and we needed a magazine that was more suitable, something like House & Varmint.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

This Is What I Have To Put Up With


This is what I have to put up with. For days, the weather forecasters teased us with promises of ferocious storms, pounding rains, flooding, and severe weather alerts. They said sandbags were being provided for a nearby neighborhood. Sandbags! Wow!

I went out and dug a new drainage trench in front of my house. And for what? We just got the usual dismal Portland rain, the kind that happens every year. And this morning, when I got up and eagerly looked outside for the giant wall of water that was surely headed straight for the house, all I saw was this blue sky. Posted by Picasa

Friday, November 04, 2005

Jaywalkers, I Hate You

Dear Jaywalkers,

It's bad enough when you jaywalk on a sunny summer day. But now that Portland has entered the Dark Ages (also known as non-daylight-savings-time), when it is always dark and rainy, you are especially detestable pests. I do not want my commute home to be an exercise in constantly trying to avoid killing fools, as you pop out from all directions wearing dark clothing and crossing the street where no sane person would. You notice how large portions of Barbur Boulevard have no crosswalks? That's because you're not supposed to frelling cross there because it's too dangerous!

If I'm on my motorcycle, then fine, jaywalk anywhere you like. I'll gladly swerve around you and wheelie in celebration. But when I'm in my Jeep -- well, fantastic car though it is, it does not have great visibility or stopping power. In short, it does not have the magical ability to save the lives of complete idiots who insist on throwing themselves in front of it. Stop your madness now!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Bring On The Cheeses

We were watching TV while eating dinner, and some time had passed since we finished the main course.

Me: I'm ready for the cheese course.

Her: Well, I'm not ready.

Me: . . . Wait, does this have anything to do with the fact that now we're watching a TV show about cannibalism?

Her: I don't feel like having more to eat yet.

Me: But it's just cheese! That isn't very much like . . .

Her: Ugh.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Audio

I have added two new things to my spoken-audio library. I was pleased to see that The Teaching Company now offers some of their lecture series for sale as electronic audio downloads, for a lower price than buying the audio CDs. And they offer a choice of MP3 or MPEG-4 downloads. I got the one on The United States and the Middle East.

I also recently bought the unabridged Chronicles of Narnia audiobooks. I have read the books before, but it has been quite a few years, and listening to them before bed is fun.