Tonight I went to see the pairs competition at the U.S. Figure Skating Championships. Here is a recap of my thoughts during the event.
First half of the event: "This is crowded. Am I the only person in the world who goes to both figure skating and motocross? Shantel Jordan and Jeremy Barrett have a lot of potential. They could be great some day. Is this lift harder than that other lift? It looks cool. This other couple didn't hold the pose long enough, they were probably too tired. What if they let a bunch of couples skate at the same time, and they were allowed to check each other into the boards, like in hockey? That would add some challenge, wouldn't it? How do they all fall like that and get right back up and keep going? Whenever I've fallen while ice skating, I got huge bruises that lasted for weeks."
3/4 of the way through: "Tiffany Vise is hot! She moves like a tigress. She is so hot. She is like another Katerina Witt, or something. Maybe she is genetically enhanced . . . secret experiments, alien technology . . . do they even test for that? The truth is out there, but can the figure skating world handle the truth?"
Last 1/4: "More couples. Just like motocross, it is much more impressive live than on TV. And also like motocross, in person it is much more disturbing when someone wipes out. Lots of Cirque du Soleil music. Hmm, I've never seen anyone fall after the program was over before. At least she is laughing about it. Hey, I'm back to reality. I guess I have recovered from seeing Tiffany Vise. But look over there, Peggy Fleming is still hot! OK, back to skating. Orscher and Lucash are very good technically, and I like their costumes, but they seem to lack some excitement. Maybe they are being conservative for this event. Is it over already?"