Her: [Well-to-do friend] just called. He's upset because he has put on weight, and now he thinks the ladies won't be so interested in him.
Me: Aw, you should have told him that no matter what he looks like on the outside, the ladies will still like him for his bank account.
Her: It's funny that you say that, because that's exactly what I did tell him.
Me: Oh. Was he cheered up?
Her: No, he said I was being a bitch.