Operation Fresh Croissant

MORE than 3500 people have been arrested and hundreds of riot police injured in two months of mass street protests against the French Government's contested jobs law, police said.

Police have made 3682 arrests since March 7, the first of five days of mass street demonstrations, including 634 yesterday, when more than a million people - three million, according to unions - took to the streets.

-- The Daily Telegraph

The shocking events of recent weeks have shown the world that France is in the grip of a growing insurgency, one that is more and more willing to resort to violence. We know that today France possesses weapons of mass destruction. And history teaches us that France has used chemical weapons against nearby countries in the past, such as during World War I. If these insurgents gain control of France's weapons stockpiles, they could pose a terrifying and imminent threat to the entire region.

This threat has not materialized yet, but it is a danger that grows with each passing day, and so we cannot afford to sit idly by while the insurgency gains power and strength, and gets closer and closer to being able to unleash a devastating attack that could cost millions of innocent lives.

Many of the insurgents claim to be only students. But let us not forget that in Afghanistan, the Taliban were also a "student" organization. In fact the term "Taliban" is derived from an Arabic word meaning "students." So to avoid confusion, let's just refer to the students and union workers who are behind this uprising as the "French Taliban."

To simply back down in the face of the insurgency, to "cut and run" if you will, would only embolden the French Taliban to think that they can continue to use violence to pursue their goals, and continue to defy the wishes of the international community.

This is why I have authorized Operation Fresh Croissant, in which American troops will occupy France to restore order, and to safeguard the French weapons of mass destruction. Once the French Taliban is disrupted and peace is restored, it is our hope that we can assist the French in creating a new constitution and eventually holding elections.

It may be a long road ahead. After all, Europeans are a violent people who have been fighting each other for many hundreds of years. We can't expect to step in and create a stable civilization overnight. New York wasn't built in a day, and neither will Paris or Rome be. But I feel confident that the majority of the French will welcome us as liberators.


[Note: Of course, this article is a joke. I like France, and hope to visit there again some day.]

p.s. "This is the police. The spam is coming from inside the house! Get out now!"