Minutiae

Actual workplace quote:

Female employee (holding some papers): "Are you ready to delve into my minutiae?"

Male employee: "Well . . . uh . . . I'm married . . ."

Unlikeliest quotes

My girlfriend (reading an article about Feng Shui): "This is a whole different approach to the bagua."

Me: "You know, that's one of those sentences I never thought I'd hear you say. That, and 'I've got to level up tonight.'"

Iron Monkey's Law of Project Risk

The amount of risk in projects tends to remain constant over time. Let R be the "customary" amount of risk. If a new methodology, technology, strategy, or resource could be used to reduce the risk of typical projects to below R, it will be used instead to do more ambitious projects with risk R.

Though the above wording is my own creation, the idea is nothing new. It is just a special case of the theory of risk homeostasis:

Risk Homeostasis Theory maintains that, in any activity, people accept a certain level of subjectively estimated risk to their health, safety, and other things they value, in exchange for the benefits they hope to receive from that activity (transportation, work, eating, drinking, drug use, recreation, romance, sports or whatever).[8]

In any ongoing activity, people continuously check the amount of risk they feel they are exposed to. They compare this with the amount of risk they are willing to accept, and try to reduce any difference between the two to zero. Thus, if the level of subjectively experienced risk is lower than is acceptable, people tend to engage in actions that increase their exposure to risk. If, however, the level of subjectively experienced risk is higher than is acceptable, they make an attempt to exercise greater caution.

So the amount of risk on projects will tend to stay the same over time. When people adopt methods that "reduce risk," the real effect will be to attempt to do more with less, in less time, with about the same risk. Just as with cars:

Adding anti-lock brakes to a car, for example doesn’t reduce accidents. Aware of their greater braking ability, drivers follow more closely and drive faster on slick streets.

Koi, Portland Chinese Garden

Koi at the Portland Chinese Garden 

Roses in my garden, 6:30pm. See also these other bloggers' flower photos: anemone, lavender, lily.  

How to Pick Up a Garden Hose

1. Relax your arms and let them hang freely.
2. Slide your foot under the hose at a spot about 6 feet from the free end of the hose.
3. Flex your ankle and toes in order to "hook" the hose.
4. Lift your foot up and slightly to the outside of your knee as if you're going to scratch the bottom of your foot with your same-side hand.
5. Grasp the hose with your hand.

Perform the whole sequence without bending over at all. It looks better, and the whole point is to avoid needing to bend over. Practice until the move becomes automatic.

Gardening needs more "trick moves" like this. Then it can be an Extreme Sport.

Summer Party Quotes

"What are you doing . . . shots of olive oil?" (on seeing shot glasses full of a golden liquid that was actually whiskey)

"I lie up about my age, because if I say I'm 50, then people are like, oooohh, that bitch is hot for 50!"

"Looks like you owe $138.45, plus tax, plus convenience fee, plus handling charge, plus chopstick rental, plus wasabi tax, plus chair lease, plus security background check fee, plus translation fee for converting part of the menu into English." (After eating sushi)

"I'm tired of this velveeta-like fondue." "You mean the fondeeta?" "Fondeeta . . . that sounds like a cheesy dominatrix."

"You want a boat? What would you do with a boat?" "What kind of stupid question is that? What do you mean what would I do with a boat?" "Well, what would you do with a boat?" "Take it out to a lake and sit in it." "So, then a boat is just a floating couch!" "What would you do with a boat?" "Sink it! Look, after a few weeks, you'll be so bored of it, you'll pay someone to haul it away!" "Yeah, even though I have 64 payments left."

"Now that would be fun to see . . . a stripper clown."

"After a few drinks I speak foreign languages better." "Yeah, I know what you mean. When I've been drinking I speak fluent gibberish!"

"Are you going to have a bachelor party?" "Why would I need a bachelor party? For me, every day is a bachelor party!"

"So then he walked in with his . . . trophy acquaintance."

"I don't like it when people call their significant other their partner." "OK, then let's call what we have a coalition of the willing."

"Do you have anything I can open this package with?" "Well, I have a weed-eater!"

(See also the Summer Drink Recipe)

Next series: Fall Party Quotes.

The bees are busy in the blooming Walla Walla Sweet onions. 

Selected flower photos from photo.net: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Star Jasmine

Star Jasmine, in a container on my back deck. These survived the winter even though we got some snow.  

Red Cardinal

"Red Cardinal" from New Zealand - clianthus puniceus. 

I like tomatoes, but not tomato juice. Tomato juice is too much like drinking a pizza.

RFID Dumpster Diving

In the future, if most products contain RFID tags, it will be possible (with the right "reader") to know what discarded items are in a dumpster from a distance, without having to look inside. It will be possible to do a variation on wardriving where you search for physical objects instead of wi-fi access. With the right software, you could even create a "wish list" of the objects you want and get notified if they are nearby.

I need a pair of headphones, notify me know when one is nearby. [Bleep!] Hey, look, someone must have thrown away a pair of headphones in that garbage can over there! Score!

I need to borrow a bottle opener . . . [bleep!] . . . signal coming from over there . . . "Excuse me, sir . . ."

But there are weirder uses for this. Burglars could find out what is in your house without going inside. Passers-by could find out what brand of underwear you're wearing. People driving by your house could learn which books are on your shelf. It will be a strange world.

Mutant Kid Has Super-Strength

BERLIN, June 24 (Reuters) - A German toddler has massive muscles and can lift far heavier weights than other kids his age because of a natural genetic mutation, Markus Schuelke, a neurology specialist in Berlin, said on Thursday.

I knew it! I knew X-Men was a thinly disguised documentary!

Flower art of the day: up close, Niugini flowers, and frozen.

Net Metaphors

Erika talks about metaphors for the internet notes the "exploration" theme in browser names like Inernet Explorer, Netscape Navigator and Safari, and then invents a new one:

We got to wondering about other potential metaphors could be used, and we realized, what with it being the web and all, that there was an unexploited weaving metaphor available. And just last night, the perfect name for a web browser popped into my head: Shuttle.

The shuttle, of course, is the thing that holds the weft as it is carried along, moving back and forth and under and over and all around the warp threads held by the loom.

To me, the web site creator might be a weaver, but the person who browses is more like the fly than the spider. What about other metaphors? The aimless, wandering nature of some web browsing might lend itself to a hobo metaphor, like NetVagrant or Internet Stumblebum. Searching through all the garbage on the web, hoping to find some cool free stuff to download could be called dumpster diving the net.

Almost anything would be an improvement on the popular surfing metaphor for browsing the web. Real surfing involves coordination, timing, balance, and athleticism, not to mention potential drowning and shark bites. Clicking on hyperlinks is nothing like surfing, and the wi-fi surfboard is even less useful than the Internet toilet roll browser and Net cutting board.

My favorite metaphor for web browsing is fishing. You're not sure what kind of information you will "catch", but it's a fun way to pass the time even if you don't catch anything good.

How to Act Like a Chimp

If you're going to act like a monkey, you might as well strive for accuracy and get all the details right. This BBC News article explains how to act like a chimpanzee. Excerpt:

AUTHORITY: Usually used by males in a group to show who's boss. Make as much noise as possible, while brandishing objects so as to appear bigger.

GREETING: Extend arm with open fist, relax mouth but keep teeth covered, no direct eye contact. Pair with short, throaty "huh huh" pant.

Huh huh.

A Maze of Twisty Little Passages

Peter at Slow Reads has a recent post about the fragmenting of our culture, in which he notes:

[ . . .] as a society, we share fewer stories, myths, and other core information [. . . ]

This is true. We are in a maze of twisty little subcultures, all different. We have more choices (and more diversity) than ever before. I consider more choice to be a good thing, but it also means that the more choices there are, the less likely that two people will make the same choices, and we will find less overlap between people's experiences.

My parents' generation had certain choices of music to listen to. But most of that music is still available to me today. I can choose from all of their music, plus all of the music created since then. The same thing goes for movies, books, etc. Although some things do go out of print, in general the choices keep growing.

This reminds me of the difference between today and the Golden Age of video gaming. In the Golden Age, there were not very many games to choose from, so everyone had played most of the same ones. Gamers had a lot of "shared experience" because everyone had played Asteroids, Missile Command, Frogger, Pac Man, and other classic games. Today, we have a lot more choices, so the gaming culture is more fragmented. The gamer who follows the Final Fantasy series may not have much to talk about with the person who has played every Tekken game, and they both might share awkward silences with the gamer who loves the Madden football games or Tiger Woods Golf. Not only that, but now there are PC gamers, Xbox gamers, PS2 gamers, PS1 gamers, Gamecube gamers, Gameboy Advance gamers, and many more varieties.

More choices create cultural fragmentation. But I'm not sure that's a bad thing. There are fewer shared experiences, but there are more fun experiences to choose from. I guess I don't mind being in a maze of twisty little passages, all different, as long as I'm having fun.

Lavender

Lavender from my garden. 

Fuchsia

Fuchsia, in a container on my back deck.