"We can kill Saddam Hussein, but we won't win the war until we kill the idea of Saddam Hussein, so what we need to do is develop bombs that can kill ideas."

-- The Daily Show

Boycott Arabic Numerals: Remember IX-XI

A friend of mine suggests that if America can rename French Fries as "Freedom Fries," then what we really ought to do to take a stand against Middle Eastern terrorism is boycott Arabic numerals. He writes:

Actually, I was wondering why there was no post-9/11 backlash against Arabic numerals.
"Henceforth, 9/11 shall be written IX/XI"
- House resolution CCLXXXVI-B

I love the name IX-XI, because not only does it use Roman numerals, it is also a palindrome, and appears the same upside down. And it can be written using only 7 equal-length straight lines. It would make a good logo.

We debated how to represent binary numbers, since Roman numerals have no "0". I suggested "smiley face" for 1 and "frowning face" for 0, but he prefers "T" for 1 and "F" for 0.

"Russian Military Intelligence" site signs off

The "Russian Military Intelligence update" site signs off, and explains itself:

All the “updates” came out from a compact group formed a few years ago in the framework of a special service. The group used to work for the government for a long time but all its members have left the service and now act as an independent analytical group that has kept some capabilities. This gives an answer to the most common question – about the sources of our information.

We participated in the ongoing events on a “non-profit” basis and had no object other than to stand the US-British informational blockade of the war in Iraq.
[...]
The main goal of the project was to present intelligible military analytics on the war in Iraq, which is currently missing, to the informational space. We had both success and obvious fails along the way.

So now the site claims the data is not from Russian Military Intelligence after all, but from a group of people who used to work for the government. If this latest confession is true, then some of my earlier analysis of their analysis (heh) stands up. It was indeed from seasoned analysts, who were Russians with authentic background knowledge, and not some typical internet hoaxer. I did not at all pick up on the fact that it was the work of more than one person. We may never know for sure how good their analysis was, or whether particular items they reported were true, but I'll miss the site -- it was a good read.

More videogame/military convergence

Business 2.0 has an article about the U.S. Army's use of videogames as a recruiting tool that doubles as a training aid.

The game, available on Goarmy.com, was designed by a team of students at the Naval Postgraduate School. They spent a year training at 20 bases to ensure the game was realistic. When America's Army: Operations debuted last July 4, high demand overloaded the Army's servers. Now, roughly half a million people play each weekend. A side benefit: Many recruits already know their way around Fort Benning, Ga., when they arrive for basic training. [emphasis added]

This VR knowledge of the base must be similar to how I "know my way around" parts of London from playing the free roaming mode of The Getaway even though I have never actually been there.

Another convergence: an entry at Charles Murtaugh's blog explains a VR-controlled mini airplane used by the Marines.

The sort of blog entry I promise not to write

The sort of blog entry I promise not to write goes something like this:

I got up this morning and it was early . . . had some coffee, and for some reason I put in too much sugar so . . . I had to water it down with more coffee, the way that always happens . . . then that guy called, the guy who called last week and I didn't know what to say . . . and I still didn't know what to say today.

I won't write that because once you've read one blog entry like that, you've read them all, and after the tenth one you just want to take all the 1's and 0's and stuff them back up the network cable, all the way back across the web to the originating server, as if you had never downloaded them at all.

Mohammed al Sahaf, Comic Genius

In the U.S., we have our Slashdot trolls, our newsgroup flamers, our insult-spewing professional wrestlers. We believe we have developed the technologies of rant and bluster to impressively high levels. But are we overconfident, perhaps even vulnerable? Iraq brings to the table the awesome power of one man, Mohammed al Sahaf, Minister of Information. Let us consider some of his recent gems:

• "The infidels are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of Baghdad," he told reporters gathered on the roof of the ministry of information. "As our leader Saddam Hussein said, 'God is grilling their stomachs in hell.'" (link)
  
• "The Americans, they always depend on a method what I call ... stupid, silly."(link)
  
• "They are out of Saddam International Airport," al-Sahaf said. "The force that was in the airport, this force was destroyed."(link)
  
• With a straight face, and his usual smirk, Mr al-Sahaf insisted last week that US forces were nowhere near the airport in Baghdad. The television pictures that proved US control over the airport were to him no more than an "illusion".(link)
  
• "Those Iraqi fighters are slapping those American gangsters on the face, and when they flee, they will kick their backsides."(link)
  
• "We'll chop up this snake, this boa, which has stretched itself and we'll stretch it even further to chop it up and cut off its head."(link)
  
• "They are superpowers of villains. They are superpowers of Al Capone."(link)
  
• "They are going to surrender or be burned in their tanks,"(link)
  
• "We have imprisoned them inside their tanks," he said, "Baghdad is bracing to pummel the invaders".(link)
  
• "We besieged them, and we killed most of them. And I think, we will finish them soon. My feelings, as usual, we will slaughter them all. Those invaders, their tombs will be here in Iraq,"(link)
  
• "This is war!" he said, barely hiding his smile. "The Americans have become hysterical. They are starting to shoot at journalists." Despite American troops being no more than a few hundred feet from the hotel, he was still proclaiming victory.(link)
  
• Unbelievably, Iraqi information minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf was still insisting the city was "safe, secure and great" as US tanks could be seen nearby. Speaking at a bizarre news conference on the roof of the Palestine Hotel, he said: "There are no American infidels in Baghdad. They're committing suicide at the gates." US marines watching him on TV said: "He's just across the street. We'll go and talk to him."(link)
  
• "We have killed most of the infidels, and I think we will finish off the rest soon." "Washington and London," he said, "have thrown their soldiers into the fire." TV announcers pore over dictionaries to look up the meanings of seldom-used Arabic words he uses for insults, such as uluj, a worm that attaches to the body and sucks blood. [...] some of Sahaf's descriptions of Americans and British include "bloodsucking bastards," "sick dogs" and "donkeys." U.S. forces are "sick in their minds" and "losers and fools." President Bush is a "war criminal" and "stupid." British Prime Minister Tony Blair is "a part of the body near the posterior" and "not worth a shoe." U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld is a "criminal dog."(link)
  
• In briefings by Sahaf, the troops are often referred to as "flocks of sheep doomed to die in Iraq" or as "a snake slithering through the desert".(link)
  
• For a second day in a row, the defiant Information Minister, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, appeared at a roadside news conference to tell reporters that the invaders were being defeated, even though his own ministry was not secure enough for him to preside over.(link)
  
• al-Sahaf announced to perhaps 100 journalists that the whole thing was a propaganda exercise, the Americans were no longer in possession of Baghdad airport, that reporters must "check their facts and re-check their facts, that's all I ask you to do." Mercifully, the oil fires, bomb explosions and cordite smoke now obscured the western bank of the river, so fact-checking could no longer be accomplished by looking behind Mr Sahaf's back.(link)
  
• Yesterday, when the hotel came under U.S. tank fire, the Iraqi information minister had to admit to the journalists staying there that coalition forces were in the capital. But, smiling, he made it sound like it was all part of Iraq's plan. "We blocked them inside the city. Their rear is blocked," he said in hurried remarks that were a departure from his daily news conference. (link)
  
• "There are no American troops in Baghdad. We surrounded them, we killed them, we made them drink poison and taught them a lesson that history will never forget." (link)
  

Clearly, we cannot let the Iraqis possess a ranter of this caliber, a Wordsmith of Mass Hallucination. We must offer al-Sahaf asylum and bring him to the United States, where he can host his own late-night TV show. Think of what al-Sahaf could do for the U.S. -- imagine what he could tell us about the U.S. economy:

• "We are still in the midst of an incredible bull market. The current God-ordained economic miracle has companies hiring like mad to try to keep up with the righteous triple-digit growth."
  
• "Those who claim to have been laid off are liars, bastards, and leeches. Their bleached bones will litter the trading floors of the stock exchanges like confetti."
  

Or what about inviting Sahaf to comment on international soccer?:

• "The criminals and mercenaries of the Brazilian and Argentinian squads quake in fear of the U.S. soccer team's might. The World Cup will be their hell."
  
• "The U.S. did not give up a single goal in the last 2 World Cups, on their way to their perfect undefeated record. Those who thought they saw otherwise have fallen victim to illusion and propaganda."
  

Al-Sahaf belongs on American TV. I think we have the will, and we have the ability, to bring him here. Who's with me?

(For another great article on Sahaf, see Clive's blog here.)

Rationing "Zing"

Trish-Y blogs about the importance of rationing "Zing":

That's why I like to space out my kisses, to ration Zing, to save it for days when I've been really good. Of course this never works, you just end up with a rather cranky guy. But the loss of Zing scares me more than I can say. Is this the life I'll be confined to, slowly reverting to the kiss out of habit, out of reaction? Is it an inevitable demise? Is this what all relationships become - a slow unravelling into a comfortable, lazy day lemonade existence of complaisant habit?

Middle East Map Game

Test your knowledge of the geography of the Middle East with this interactive map game.

WUSA Soccer Season Opener: Washington vs. Carolina

Today's match contained one of the funniest sequences I've seen in soccer. Washington's Mia Hamm and Carolina's Tiffany Roberts collided in a hard challenge near the top of the Carolina penalty area, sending them both to the ground. Hamm first appealed to the referee for a foul, then asked Roberts if she was alright. When Roberts said "yes," Hamm started to get up, then dropped and playfully elbowed Roberts in the back, using a stylized move straight out of professional wrestling. Roberts, unphased, reached behind her and grabbed Hamm around the waist in a wrestling move of her own. Then both players burst out laughing. As they got up, the referee approached. Both players, still laughing, smiled at the referee as if to say, "just kidding." No foul was called.

The rest of the match was typical WUSA soccer: fast paced, end-to-end play with plenty of attacking chances on both sides. After Carolina missed a penalty kick wide left, Mia Hamm scored in the 59th minute to give Washington a 2-1 lead on a beautiful left-footed shot from long range into the upper right corner of the goal. Carolina goalkeeper Burke, who had moved to the near post as Hamm charged down the left wing, leaped for the ball but could not quite get there in time. This would prove to be the winning goal for Washington, as a final attack by Carolina got within the Washington penalty area in the closing seconds, but was stopped by the Washington defense. Final score: Washington 2, Carolina 1.

Democracy, Whiskey, and Sexy

"Democracy. Whiskey. And sexy!" According to The New York Times, that was the answer given by an Iraqi man on the street when asked what he thought American troops would bring. Sorry, pal -- you can have some democracy and some whiskey, but I'm afraid we're going to keep the "sexy." We need it back in the States, and our Department of Homeland Sexy won't let us export it.

Giant Bricks Falling From the Sky

Tornado jets will drop non-explosive bombs on Iraq. Guided slabs of concrete will fall from the sky, with the goal of destroying targets such as tanks while minimizing collateral damage. (If they had more of a sense of humor about it, they could drop pianos.) The idea of dropping non-explosive "kinetic weapons'" from airplanes is not new, however. It was done in World War I:

"Bombing did not play much of a role in World War I, though the attempt to build planes capable of carrying large loads did advance aviation technology, particularly toward the end of the war. The earliest bombs used in the war weren’t bombs at all, but thin steel darts called fléchettes, dropped over soldiers in trenches or on enemy aircraft."
(link)

"The first bombers were fairly slow two-person reconnaissance aeroplanes out of which the pilots threw steel arrows, grenades or even stones. Towards the end of the war real bombers, carrying bombs up to 250 kg, were built." (link)

Amusingly, in 1934 a Navy lieutenant named John Edwin Hogg wrote an article titled Is Aerial Warfare Doomed?, in which he argued, based on the poor performance of bombers in WWI, that airplanes would never prove useful in battle. Some choice quotes include:

No aviator entertains the thought that he is going to fly over the enemy anti-aircraft battery in time of war - and live to tell the tale.

[The airplane] is highly vulnerable and cannot be adequately armored. [. . .] In a military sense it offers at best only a hit and run method of fighting. It can take nothing. It can hold nothing. It cannot stay and fight!

Coalition forces in Iraq seem to be doing a pretty good job of flying over Iraqi anti-aircraft artillery and "living to tell the tale." And now they have improved upon and recycled the WWI tactic of dropping stones from the sky.

Mercenary Position

Iraq claims that it is being attacked by American "mercenaries." From Radio Netherlands (emphasis added):

The language used by al-Sahaf is emotional and passionate. When he's really on form, savage invective against the coalition comes flooding out of his mouth. He regularly calls the British and American soldiers 'criminals' and 'mercenaries', 'mass murderers' and 'imbeciles', who are performing outrageous acts of aggression against the Muslims of Iraq.

I would expect for someone in al-Sahaf's position to use "savage invective" against coalition troops. I would expect coalition troops to be labeled "murderers" or "infidels" or even "bringers of distasteful pop music." But where did "mercenaries" come from? I'm not at all clear on what makes "mercenary" an insult in this context. Even if coalition forces did in fact use mercenaries -- and nowhere have I heard any evidence for that weird charge -- what is the relevance? Is he trying to imply that these aren't the "genuine" U.S. and British troops? Or is "mercenaries" an awkward translation that has some other shade of meaning in the original?

The perfect mission statement

Why "Tastes great, less filling" is the perfect mission statement for IT. Via vsbabu

Alliterative Googlewhacking

Not content with ordinary Googlewhacking, I had to invent Alliterative Googlewhacking. It adds the restriction that both words must start with the same letter. So far I found three:

• superstring shellack
• troubador trepanning
• oenophile Ozymandias

My first Googlewhack

Inspired by the Palace Princess, I found my first Googlewhack. It took me about 20 minutes to come up with nattering scoliosis.

Update: I found 1 more -- "ossifying tumbleweed"

OrangeX Citrus Juicer

Some mechanical tools are so beautifully designed, so perfect for their intended use, that they just amaze me every time I use them. My Spyderco pocket knife is one of these, and a more recent addition to my tool collection is the OrangeX Citrus Juicer. Don't get the ugly black one seen in this link -- get the silver one. It is a work of art. I use this for juicing oranges, lemons, limes, and grapefruit. Before I got this juicer, I never even particularly liked grapefruit juice (which I had never tasted fresh) , but I thought I'd give it a try. I was instantly converted. Fresh squeezed grapefruit juice is fantastic. I can't believe how different it tastes from the packaged kind.

It reminds me of how when I was younger I didn't really like tomatoes, because I associated them with the rubbery bland tomatoes I got in cheap restaurants. It took me a while to discover that some tomatoes are really delicious. Now I grow them in my garden and they are one of my favorite summer treats.

Iraq news from Russia?

This page claims to have information about the war in Iraq, based on intercepted radio communications. The source is supposedly Russian Military Intelligence (via Cogita Differenter). As with any fascinating, "too good to be true" discovery of information on the Internet, I started out suspecting a hoax. But this is a very interesting read. It is full of believable-sounding things, and seems to be the work of someone with quite a bit of background knowledge and analytical ability. The writing style feels like the work of a seasoned researcher/analyst.

• Data is separated from analysis
• Statements are carefully qualified and sources attributed, to acknowledge where information is limited or possibly in error
• The analysis contains alternative scenarios that could explain the same data
• The analysis is stated in an uninvolved, unemotional way when it concerns the war in Iraq, but changes to a more emotional tone when discussing how the "lessons learned" here should apply to Russia. This is a small detail that a hoaxer would probably not think to include.
• There are interesting details about the nature of the intercepts, such as the intercept of a phone conversation between a journalist and his editor. An average hoaxer probably would not think things through to that level of detail, but this is actually quite a plausible source of information.

Because of the writing style, I would bet that this is authentically the work of a professional analyst and not an average hoaxer. Of course, I have no way of knowing whether writer really believes the material or if it is disinformation.

Documentary filmmaker: "So you see yourself more as a buffet-style intellectual, picking and nibbling until one day you're 38 and managing a Barnes and Noble."
Lisa: "Hey, that' s not gonna happen!"
Filmmaker: "Lisa, I'm afraid you're a dillettante. Pick a path and follow it, or you'll just grow up, slog your way through Mt. Holyoke, and squeeze out babies."

* * *

Bart: "All that's left for me is to become the biggest drunk this town has ever seen."
Homer: "Pfff. Talkin' won't get you there!"

-- The Simpsons

Best Headline

Today's best war-related headline, from the New York Times:

The War in Iraq Turns Ugly. That's What Wars Do.

Satellite photo of Basra, Iraq

Space Imaging has an satellite image of Basra, Iraq this week. Some bombing damage is visible.