Modernizing Proverbs

Many of our proverbs have become outdated. They refer to things that are no longer common in daily life, but we still retain the sayings. Here are some suggestions for modernizing old proverbs.

Proverb: Strike while the iron is hot.
Problem: Refers to blacksmithing.
New Proverb: Flame while the newsgroup thread is hot.

Proverb: Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.
Problem: People don't count unhatched chickens any more, or watch them hatch. Modern bioengineered chickens are grown in vats.
New Proverb: Don't count your share of the Nigerian exile's fortune before it's wired into your account.

Proverb: Closing the barn door after the horse is gone.
Problem: Barns and horses uncommon.
New Proverb: Closing Internet Explorer after the spyware has been installed.

Proverb: Putting the cart before the horse.
Problem: Carts and horses no longer used for transportation.
New Proverb: Putting the athletic competition before the steroid use.

Proverb: The straw that broke the camel's back.
Problem: Straw, camels.
New Proverb: The spam that broke the email server.

Proverb: Don't judge a book by its cover.
Problem: Decline of book readership.
New Proverb: Don't judge a download by its filename.

Proverb: . . . Bob's your uncle.
Problem: Erosion of traditional extended-family based group formation.
New Proverb: . . . Bob's some guy your mom met in a chat room.