Supply-Side Santa: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! What's your name, little boy?
Timmy: I'm Timmy, and I want you to bring me a new bike for Christmas.
SSS: Ho, ho, ho! Oh, no, Timmy, I can't do that!
T: What? Why not?
SSS: Supply-Side Santa doesn't believe in handouts, he believes in encouraging investment. Why, if I decided what each boy and girl should get for Christmas and gave it to them, that would be a single-provider system with a centralized control mechanism! That's a very naughty Socialist idea, it's anticompetitive and anti-business, and it makes Supply-Side Santa very unhappy.
T: But if you don't give kids presents, what do you do?
SSS: I'm glad you asked, Timmy. I'm going to visit the houses of the wealthiest people, and give them even more economic advantages than they already have.
T: That doesn't seem fair, Supply-Side Santa . . . have the rich people all been very good this year? Better than me?
SSS: Ho ho ho! Of course they have! The fact that they are rich shows how they have been good and wise and hardworking. Those people will invest their new wealth, which will create jobs and stimulate the economy. Then maybe you can get one of those jobs, and someday you can afford that new bike you want!
T: But Supply-Side Santa, what if the rich people invest in companies that outsource all the jobs overseas? Then how will I get the bike?
SSS: Now Timmy, it's not Supply-Side Santa's fault if people like you are greedy, and demand higher wages and benefits than the global market can support. You'll just have to be more reasonable and work harder. Maybe you can do a little union-busting on the side to earn some extra cash.
T: OK Supply-Side Santa, now I see! If you gave me the bike, I would become weak and lazy and dependent on handouts. But by giving me nothing, and giving everything to the rich, it's actually all for my own good. I'll have an incentive to work hard and develop the right moral values.
SSS: Ho ho ho! Very good, Timmy, now you understand the true spirit of Christmas! Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!
(Inspired by The Gospel of Supply Side Jesus.)
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