Tuesday, January 31, 2006

It's Just A Virus

to catch the Virus
That seems to be
The undercurrent of my insanity

-- Sarah Fimm

Now they're saying that a virus may cause obesity. You know what? I think that eventually we'll find out that everything is caused by a virus. Impoliteness? Virus. Using the word "like" in every sentence? That's a virus too. I imagine the following future conversation:

Doctor: I'm sorry, but you've tested positive for HLV, the Human Laziness Virus.

Me: Oh . . . man . . . that's, well, it's awful, but it explains so much lately . . . is there a cure?

Doctor: No. Well, actually, yes, there is a cure, but you'd be too lazy to take it, so for all practical purposes there is no cure.

Me: I understand, doctor. Thank you for your honesty.

Doctor: You'll have to take precautions to not infect others. HLV is primarily transmitted through saliva, but boring anecdotes can also be a carrier.

Me: OK. I'll try to be responsible.

5 comments:

clara* said...

i knew it!! all these years i thought there was something i could do to be more active, willpower or something...but no, it's HLV. i think i'll go lie down.

memer said...

And speaking of things catchy, consider yourself tagged, buster.

Squidley said...

How about HTV--Human Terrorism Virus? Although the most potent medium is the Moslem stratum, it can thrive in any religiously-charged atmosphere (c.f. Northern Ireland).

Now we can have pity on the poor, poor HTV patients whose actions are no more their own responsibility than sufferers of other well-documented viral diseases, like HGV (Human Gullibilty Virus), HVV (Human Vidiocy Virus), and HCEV (Human Cheeto-Eating Virus).

(Don't you live with an HGV patient? ;-)

Tom said...

I like HGV!

Bren said...

Damn! If laziness is a virus, I have the original strain: "Scatterbraineditus."