Hydrangea from my garden 

Please Explain This To Me

If, as the saying goes, "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery," then what is the insincerest form of flattery?

Treo 600 review

This review of the Treo 600 states:

You work out some variations of two-thumbed and one-handed typing, depending on what your other hand may be doing and how important it is not to drop your Treo on the ground.

Um . . . is it just me, or is that kind of funny?

Smoky Somethin'

"Why do you think you're such a smoky somethin' when you're nothin' painted blue?!?!" -- Jody, in Kitten With A Whip

Rose with Striped Grass

Rose with striped grass, from my garden. This is a giant grass that is about 6 feet tall. But I don't know the species.  

Japanese Flower Blog

A flower blog in Japan, from one of my readers.

Improving the Rules of Soccer

I've been a soccer fan all my life, and although I love the game, one thing about the rules has always bothered me. The penalties for fouls do not seem to be balanced quite right. A free kick from inside your own half of the field is basically worthless, except for the fact that you get posession of the ball. The rules do not provide enough of a deterrent against committing fouls far from your own goal.

A free kick near your own goal is essentially like a goal kick. But this does not seem fair, since tripping or elbowing someone (for example) is a more serious offense than merely kicking the ball out of bounds. A really flagrant foul anywhere on the field might result in a yellow or red card, of course, but this is rare, and it still does not deter players from committing minor fouls far from their own goal just to slow down the game, run out the clock, or annoy opponents.

For a while I pondered the idea of adding hockey-style penalties in soccer, where the offender would have to leave the field and sit in a penalty box for 2 minutes. This might work, but it would be a hassle to administer, and the idea does not feel true to the spirit of soccer.

Instead, I thought up a new rule that is simple to understand, easy to administer, and does not introduce any new type of penalty. I propose that when the referee awards a free kick, the team awarded the kick can choose to either take the kick at the spot where it would normally occur, or to take a throw-in from anywhere on the field that they choose.

This way, instead of taking a free kick from deep in your own territory, you could choose to take a throw-in closer to the opponent's goal. If you felt you would be better off with the kick, perhaps because it would provide a quicker restart, then you could still choose to take the kick. I think this rule would cut down on so-called "professional fouls" by increasing the consequences of fouls committed far from your own goal.

Coreopsis

Coreopsis by my driveway.  

Snapdragon

Snapdragon in a container on my back deck.  

Michelle posted some good "flower porn" on her blog. Hmm, is "flower porn" the official name for it now?

Truth: Less Helpful Than Fiction?

The most accurate answer may not be the most helpful. Suppose we are on the tenth floor of a building and you ask, "what's the quickest way to get back down to the street?" I could give you the correct answer: "the quickest way would be to throw a chair through that window over there and then jump through it." Or I could give you an answer that is technically incorrect, but much more useful: "go down to the end of the hallway, take a right, and take the elevator."

Computers can be maddening because they tend to give you the literally true answer that is useless, instead of the "wrong" answer that is useful.

Homemade Tanks Don't Smash Buildings, People Smash Buildings

The big news in Colorado is about one man's rampage in an armored bulldozer:

A muffler shop owner who plowed a makeshift armored bulldozer into several buildings after a dispute with city officials was found dead of an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound after a SWAT team cut their way into the machine early Saturday, authorities said.

[. . .] Heemeyer plowed the armor-plated bulldozer into the town hall, a former mayor's home and at least five other buildings Friday before the machine ground to a halt in the wreckage of a warehouse.

OK, but somebody doesn't make their own tank over nothing, there must have been a good reason, right?

City officials said he was angry over a zoning dispute and fines for city code violations at his business in the town about 50 miles west of Denver.

Oh, sure that explains it. But how good could a homemade tank be, anyway? We pay billions to defense contractors to make real tanks, which proves that a tank some guy made in his garage in his spare time couldn't be very useful, right?

Authorities detonated three explosions and fired at least 200 rounds against the heavy steel plates welded to the bulldozer, which looked like an upside down Dumpster. After the third explosion failed, officials used a cutting torch to open the square-foot hole early Saturday, county Emergency Management Director Jim Holahan said.

[. . .] Undersheriff Glen Trainor said the dozer's armor plates consisted of two sheets of half-inch steel with a layer of concrete between them.

[. . .] One officer, later identified as Trainor, was perched on top, firing shot after shot into the top and once dropping an explosive down the exhaust pipe. "He just kept shooting," Moore said. "The dozer was still going. He threw what looked like a flash-bang down the exhaust. It didn't do a thing."

OK, here's the problem: this guy has seriously upped the ante in the urban arms race. Until recently, we honest citizens only needed guns to defend our homes and loved ones against armed criminals. But now, it seems, we need our own tanks just to keep up. This will be quite an expense, but it's the least we can do for the common good. I can't wait until the next armored-bulldozer-driving kook goes on a rampage, only to be engaged by the Neighborhood Watch Tank Platoon and blown to smithereens. That will definitely keep me entertained, at least until we all get Mechs.

Mowed Down by the Plastic Grass

Playing soccer on artificial turf is like playing racketball inside a grass hut. It's just wrong. The ball bounces wrong. The players even run a bit oddly.

I'm hoping the turf explains the U.S. women's soccer team only managing a 1-1 tie against Japan on Sunday. If not, they are going to be in for some trouble in the Olympics. Japan played a great game defensively, using their speed to double and triple-team against the U.S. attack. For some reason, the U.S. kept trying to advance the ball up the wing, where the attack would usually get smothered by 2 or 3 Japanese defenders.

I kept wanting to see the signs that the U.S. would be on their way to Olympic gold, but instead I saw what looked like a vastly improved Japanese team creating all kinds of space on the field. The tied score is misleading. This was a game Japan could have won, if not for some great saves by the U.S. keepers. I'm hoping the U.S. can improve in time for Athens.

The day lilies are blooming early this year. 

Meow If You Like Green Tea

 

The Numbers Game

e-Claire notes that Ray Bradbury is upset with Michael Moore for "stealing" his title. That is, Bradbury thinks that Fahrenheit 911 is a "stolen" copy of the title of his book, Fahrenheit 451. Bradbury is quoted as saying, "He stole my title and changed the numbers without ever asking me for permission."

That reminds me of how 12 Angry Men stole the title of Seven Angry Men and changed the number. Nine 1/2 Weeks stole the title of Six Weeks and changed the number. Perhaps most impressively, 1941 stole the title of 1776 and changed the number.

That doesn't even address the sneakier tactic of changing words instead of numbers, like when The Big Lebowski stole the title (and some of the plot!) of The Big Sleep, and changed "Sleep" to "Lebowski." Will the title-thievery never end?

Well, I'd better get back to work on my script for a TV thriller I'm calling 25, about a crisis that takes slightly more than a day to resolve.

Time Out of Joint

On Friday, June 4, The Globe and Mail explained:

In one of the worst messes since banks put their faith in computers, today is the fifth day in which the Royal Bank of Canada cannot tell its 10 million Canadian customers with any certainty how much money is in their accounts.

Canada's biggest bank, suddenly a symbol of risks facing an automated society, has a problem that has kept tens of millions of transactions -- including what appears to be every direct payroll deposit it handles -- from showing up in accounts for days at a time.

This computer glitch was the result of "a routine programming update," and supposedly had something to do with "sequencing." But the part of this story I like the most is this quote from a software developer:

" [ . . . ] Programmers rarely use time stamps any more because time can actually be a little imprecise. Everything gets assigned a unique sequence number."

Time can be a little imprecise. I'll remember that next time I'm late for something. (Story via Bene Diction)

Oregon Wine Country

Oregon Willamette Valley Wine Country. This photo was shot looking out from the back deck of the Maresh Red Barn tasting room.  

Pink Portland Rose

A pink rose from my garden. I took this picture in the early evening, which helped create the dark background, and I shot it from about 10 feet away (handheld) with zoom to blur the background. 

Wisdom Teeth

Over at Apechild, apemaster writes:

Getting your wisdom teeth removed is a gruesome, unbelievably painful experience, and one that I'm glad I won't have to go through again.

That is not necessarily true. It is gruesome, yes, but if it is "unbelievably painful" then I'd guess that your oral surgeon didn't do everything quite right. When I had my wisdom teeth removed, I didn't feel much pain at all. I was somewhat disturbed by the idea of having the teeth removed, but it was not very painful.

iTunes Doesn't Want You To Know Pop Songs Are About Sex

I was playing around with iTunes and decided to try creating another iMix. I made one full of songs about pimps, hos, and sex. I named my iMix "Songs About Sex" and in the description I said something like (I don't recall the exact wording) "Pimps, Hos, Sex, and more..."

In response to this, I got an email from "iTunes Abuse" saying that my iMix would not be posted because "Content in the iMix title and/or description is in violation of the iTunes Music Store Terms and Service."

This seems strange. Those songs really are about pimps, hos, and sex. If my description of them is offensive, what about the songs themselves? It's OK to download the actual songs and listen to the explicit lyrics, but it's not OK to read my completely factual description of them?

Ideas for New Reality TV Shows

• How Many of Them Want to Marry a Polygamist?
• For Love or Crack
• Survivor: Iowa
• American Fame-Whore

Party Quote

At a recent party, some of us recalled how as children, we really wanted to be movie stuntmen when we grew up. A woman there said, "Nah, I never wanted to be a stuntwoman. Ass-double, maybe . . ."

Painting

I bought this painting by Oscar Flores-Fiol yesterday. He is a very nice guy. I spent quite a bit of time talking to him about his work. I've seen his art a few times in the last few years, and he is always experimenting with his style. His most recent work seems more impressionistic than what I had seen before.

Cat Expansion

The cat easily transforms from the relaxed, compact "closed" position to the more intimidating "open" position. 

I'll get right on that

A friend of mine took this picture of a sign in Nepal. The English part says,"God, pig and snack whicn are not cooperative stop it." 

Festival

In Japan, there's always something big going on. It's Kanamara Matsuri. (From Schoolgirl Sophistry)

Peony With Hidden Snake

Peony from my garden. I took this photo a few minutes ago. I like the way this turned out; it is overcast here with a light misting of rain, which made the background very dark. 

The middle of this image looks kind of like a snake sticking out its tongue. I didn't notice that while taking the photo, but now it seems to jump out at me.

Evolution of a word

When I was younger, we called the type of sandals that keep falling off because they are designed really badly "thongs." But a thong now usually means one of these, so those sandals get called flip flops to avoid confusion. But Gucci makes flip flops and calls them thongs. I'm so confused. The worst part is that I actually think the Gucci flip flops look cool. I must be going mad.

The Online Etymology Dictionary (via Debbie) says:

thong - O.E. þwong "thong," from P.Gmc. *thwangaz, from a root meaning "to restrain." As a kind of sandal, first attested 1967; as a kind of bikini briefs, 1990s.

Blogger Comments

I'm switching to the Blogger commenting system instead of the external system I was using before. The drawback is that the old comments will no longer be visible, but the page will load faster.

Has anyone ever won a war on terror?

Has there ever been a country, anywhere in the world, at any time in history, that won a war on terror? I mean a country that could legitimately say, "yes, we had a big problem with terrorists, but we fought them, and we won, and the terrorist threat went away."

If so, what did they do? How did they win?

If not, then . . . uh . . . drat.

Fight Club Jr. should be a South Park episode.

Poppy from my garden by the front door. 

More "flower porn": a rose from my garden. 

My first iMix

Agent Bond, James Bond

Today's New York Times article about Abu Ghraib prison abuses explains a rather odd incident:

The memorandum criticizing the practice of keeping prisoners off the roster was signed by Col. Thomas M. Pappas, commander of the 205th Military Intelligence Brigade, and a James Bond, who is identified as "SOS, Agent in Charge." Military and intelligence officials said that they did not know of a Mr. Bond who had been assigned to Abu Ghraib, and that it was possible that the name was an alias.

An intelligence official said Monday that he could not confirm the authenticity of the document, and that neither "SOS" or "Agent in Charge" was terminology that the C.I.A. or any other American intelligence agency would use. A military official said he believed that the document was authentic and was issued on or about Jan. 12, two days before abuses at Abu Ghraib involving military police were brought to the attention of Army investigators.

Let me get this straight . . . military and intelligence officials somehow suspect that "Agent James Bond" might be an alias? And who figured that out, Colonel Ben Dover? Quick, get this guy on the case!

Portland motorcycle police on SW Broadway, across the street from the Benson, providing security for John Kerry's visit. 

This is the Iron Monkey blog. There is also an Iron Monkey Movie.

Elsewhere there is Drunken Monkey Style Blogging. And a Drunken Monkey Movie.

I wrote a new review of the graphic novel Cats Don't Exist over at LHLS.

The return of MP3.com

MP3.com is finally back, but if you liked the old site, you may be confused at first by the new version. If you want free downloads of tracks by independent artists, you really want to go to music.download.com instead of the main mp3.com page.

Recommended

Rap: RIP Family
Alt Country: Manda Clair
Rock: The Travoltas
Rock: theSTART

"Tiny," one of my two cats. 

Iron Monkey's Rules of Qualifiers

1. In public statements, if a qualifying phrase could have multiple possible meanings, it almost always has the meaning least favorable to the speaker.

When someone says he finished "in the top ten," this technically could mean he finished #1, but it doesn't. If a car manufacturer says the car is the best "in its class" at something, the class in question could be "the class of all cars," but it isn't. A product that costs "under $1000" could cost $19.95, but it doesn't.

2. In public statements, qualifying phrases never occur by chance, but only by necessity.

He who says "I have never been an accessory to murder . . . on a weekday" must have had an interesting weekend.

Stanislav Petrov, the Guy Who Didn't Push the Button

It's right out of a movie trailer. The deep, booming voice-over intones: "The only thing that can prevent the end of civilization . . . is one man!" Unrealistic? Sure. Except for this one guy: Lt. Col. Stanislav Petrov. In 1983, he saw an alarm that said the U.S. had launched a nuclear missile at the U.S.S.R.

Colonel Petrov recalls that fateful night when alarms went off and the early warning computer screens were showing a nuclear attack launched by the United States. "I felt as if I'd been punched in my nervous system. There was a huge map of the States with a U.S. base lit up, showing that the missiles had been launched."

For several minutes Petrov held a phone in one hand and an intercom in the other as alarms continued blaring, red lights blinking, and the computers reporting that U.S. missiles were on their way. In the midst of this horrific chaos and terror, the prospect of the end of civilization itself, Petrov made an historic decision not to alert higher authorities, believing in his gut and hoping with all that is sacred, that contrary to what all the sophisticated equipment was reporting, this alarm was an error.

And since it was in fact a false alarm, he prevented a real nuclear war from starting. Thanks!

Wait a minute . . . "thanks?" That's it? There should be a statue of this guy in every city that is still standing because of him. His face should be on our coins! There should be a Ford Petrov S.U.V., and a Mt. Petrov. He saved the world and got what? Nothing? We don't even know his name? Wow . . . so much for how it works in the movies.

(story via Exclamation Mark)

PG- 13 Graffiti

What if you really want to deface public property with graffiti, but on the other hand you don't want to offend people with off-color language? I guess the result might be something like this creation that I saw downtown today.

Quote of the day

"I don't understand the women who find dependability sexy!" -- Lisa

Who Tastes The Wine?

Over at The Swamp, Eve writes:

On Tradition: Even if the girl orders the wine, the waiter will bring it to the guy to taste.

In my experience, at "better restaurants" (and I know that phrase must set off snob alarms), the waiter will offer the taste to the person who chose the wine, even if a different person formally "placed the order." How does the waiter know who chose it? It is simple if the diners ask for more information on the wines they are considering, that way the waiter is involved in the selection process. But without that interaction, the waiter may have to guess based on who is holding the wine list. Without any information, the taste may indeed go to the guy.

Of course, if the waiter gives the taste to someone who did not choose the wine, that person should hand the glass to the person who did make the choice. The exception to this is that the chooser will sometimes offer the taste to someone else, for example to the guest of honor or to someone who has more knowledge of wine.

The Tree In A Tree

It seems that these people disposed of last year's Christmas tree through the ingenious method of throwing it up into the branches of another tree in their front yard, where it makes the statement, "we are creative, outside-the-box thinkers."

Poker

I've been playing poker online at Paradise Poker. It's pretty fun, and you do not have to play for real money. I hang out at the play money tables. Most of the other free sites I've tried don't feel like a real poker game, because people are playing completely irrationally, with everyone calling or even raising with absolutely any trash hand. The free tables at Paradise are at least semi-rational, with most players aware of the existence of a Fold button.

"Something will happen. It always does." -- David Creegan, on Touching Evil

What I like about this line is that at first it sounds ominous or threatening, but on further reflection it is just stating the obvious. It is practically meaningless.

City of Roses

Portland is the City of Roses, and they are doing well this year.

Iris

My Garden, part 2

I've already listed the plants on my back deck, now I'll talk about the edible plants in my main garden. I like edible plants, and I like convenient snack plants much better than anything that requires too much preparation. "Grab and eat" plants like strawberries, blueberries, sugar snap peas and cherry tomatoes are great. Anything that can go in a salad is great, too.

I'm growing onions (walla walla sweet), spinach, mizuna, bok choi, eggplant (ichiban), bell pepper, sorrel, lettuce (buttercrunch, little gem, great lakes head, and many other kinds I can't remember), tomatoes (juliet, celebrity, bush early girl, supersweet 100), Italian parsely, rosemary, red currants, jostaberry, and a fig tree.

Then there is the cardoon. The cardoon is the only one of my edible plants that I have not yet actually eaten. I like it because it is very strange and exotic looking, and gets about 7 feet tall. It spreads easily, and since I don't want cardoon everywhere in my garden, I constantly have to pull up the shoots from outside the Cardoon Zone. But I still like it.

Our Second Season

Portland has only two seasons: Rainy, and Road Construction. Each year the bright orange cones all over the streets mark the joyful transition from one season to the other. This week they are everywhere.

I'm posting this if you want to read it

Lately I've noticed an interesting use of the word if. Consider the sentence: "I'm going to the store if you want to come along." Normally that doesn't literally mean I'm going to the store (only) if you want to come along (but I'm not going otherwise). It means: I'm going to the store (and) if you want to come along (you can).

Do people in other parts of the world say this? Or is it an American West Coast usage?

Cultivating Beneficial Weeds

I think one of the essential techniques of gardening is proper cultivation of Beneficial Weeds (BW). An ideal BW spreads rapidly, is more viciously invasive than the Mongol hordes, and is hard to kill. What separates a BW from an ordinary weed is simply that you like it.

A good BW will spread to every place in your garden where you are too lazy to plant anything, and will out-compete the weeds that you don't like.

My favorite BW is yarrow. Yarrow has a noble history: yarrow stalks were traditionally used to cast the I Ching. Also, I think yarrow looks pretty good. A 100-square-foot section of yarrow is more socially acceptable than the equivalent area of dandelions.

Another BW that works for me is Italian Parsely. It doubles as salad material.

Some plants are almost BW's but don't quite work. Coreopsis spreads well but looks strange growing in odd random places where you didn't intend it. Chamomile is a great plant but lacks toughness and invasiveness. Bamboo is tempting, but it is overkill, like the nuclear weapon of BW's. I keep it in hardened silos containers.

My Garden, part 1

As promised, here is some info about my garden. I have a lot of stuff, so for this post I'll start with what is on the back deck in containers.

• Star Jasmine - trachelospermum jasminoides
  
• Pink Jasmine - jasminum polyanthum
  
• "Red Cardinal" from New Zealand - clianthus puniceus. I love the shape of this plant.
  
• Black Bamboo
  
• various other bamboos
  
• Pink Mist - scabiosa columbaria
  
• Mexican Fan Palm
  
• Phormium tenax
  
• Blue Dracaena - cordyline indivisa
  
• Tufted hair grass - deschampsia caespitosa
  
• Fiber optic grass - scirpus cernus.
  
• Blueberry "sunshine blue." In the summer I like to sit on the deck and eat these blueberries.
  
• Lavender
  
• Pineapple mint
  
• Peppermint
  
• Basil
  
• Bell peppers
  
• Alyssum
  
• Nile lily
  
• Snapdragon
  
• Pansy
  
• Fuchsia
  

Plant Tycoon

By popular request, I'll be explaining more about my gardening in the next few days, once I have time to organize my info. In the meantime, let me just say that I'm addicted to the Palm OS game Plant Tycoon. It is like Sim City for gardening. You manage a nursery, and you get to create new hybrid plants through cross-pollination.

The game works in "real time" whether your Palm is on or off. If you plant a seed, it will take several hours of real time for it to grow. You just have to check back later. It is still much quicker than real gardening, but it is slower than almost any other Palm game. I highly recommend this game.

U.S. 3, Mexico 0 (Women's Soccer)

Christie Rampone had another great performance on defense for the U.S. today. She also pushed forward into the attack quite a few times, and served up some great crosses into the penalty area. She is quickly becoming one of my favorite players.

Mexico played a good scoreless first half. They conceded space in the midfield in order to double-team in their defensive end and shut down the U.S. attack. But Mexico could not keep this up for 90 minutes. Eventually, the U.S. created more movement in the offense and scored some goals.

Brianna Scurry was injured on a play where she leaped high in the air to grab the ball, then landed hard on her lower back. No contact with other players was involved.

Heather O'Reilley came in as a substitute in the second half. It was good to see her playing again after the incident last year where she broke her leg in a game against Ireland.

When Lori Chalupny came on in the second half, my initial reaction was, "Who is that?" I don't think I've ever seen her play before. But she scored a spectacular goal from outside the penalty area to put the U.S. up 3-0.

Models

Design your own models at myvirtualmodel.com. From what I can figure out, the idea seems to be that you design a model that looks like you, then use it to "try on clothes" at online shopping sites that support the technology. It's kind of a cool idea. It's also fun to just play around with the parameters and see what happens.

We will agree no more forever

Some intellectuals cherish the notion that other people have very different values and priorities as a result of being "uninformed." According to this delusion, as soon as everyone becomes "educated" and exposed to the proper information, they will see the light and change their worldview.

The Web and the Blogosphere should make it clear just how wrong this idea is. Bloggers probably have better access to more sources of information than any people in history, yet we have not magically started to agree about everything. I see plenty of blogs written by very smart, very well-informed people who nonetheless have radically different views from each other.

People are different. We have different goals. We may be able to get along, but we won't all see things the same way.

Athens from Space

Space Imaging has cool satellite images of the Olympic stadiums in Athens, Greece.

Plausible Gibberish

Language Log explains:

Try slipping into a conversation a remark like More people have written about this than I have. [. . . ] at first people seem to think it is grammatical and means something. Given a few moments to think, though, they soon realize that it is just plausible-looking English-style gibberish. It seems to be an intelligible sentence of the language but it is just masquerading.

This sentence sounds pretty good at first, because it is very close to the valid sentence: People have written more about this than I have. Not only that, it also works as the first part of a valid sentence such as: More people have written about this than I have credited. I think listeners must unconsciously substitute something like one of those.

Michelle has been talking about gardening:

I shouldn't be allowed near garden centers without a chaperone.

Went to WVU Greenhouse plant sale, and then went to Lowe's, 'just to get some mulch.' Ha.

I know how this works. The other day I went to the garden center to get "a fuchsia." That's right, I planned to purchase just one plant, which is about as likely to happen as eating just one potato chip. I came back with about 15 plants, everything from jasmine to strawberries.

I think my garden must be the world's most labor-intensive bird feeder. Instead of putting out birdseed and straw, I plant, water, fertilize, and tend all sorts of plants, only to have them eaten or carried off for nesting materials by the neighborhood birds. I can't blame them, though, they're just doing what birds do.

Favorite Gadgets

I love gadgets, but some of them work out better than others. Some sit relatively unused, but others make me think, "How on earth did I ever live without this? I could never go back." Here are the gadgets that I like even more than I thought I would:

• Playstation 2. The fact that it doubles as a DVD player makes it indispensable.


• TiVo. If you like TV, you should get TiVo. If you have premium cable, you must get TiVo.


• The Infinity Basslink powered car subwoofer. I know what you're probably thinking: car subwoofers are only for annoying teenagers who drive by at 3am with their music blasting so loud that it rattles your windows and wakes you up. But that would be incorrect. The truth is, no matter what kind of music you listen to, and no matter what volume level you prefer, a good subwoofer will make your music sound better.


• Sony Clie NX80V. It doesn't have a phone, but it has everything else, including digital camera, thumb keyboard, and MP3 player.


• Spyderco Ladybug knife. This is the perfect keychain knife, with both serrated and plain areas of the blade. I use it all the time.


• The Rabbit Corkscrew. Opens wine bottles so quickly it looks like a magic trick.

"You know which city has a really big Chinatown? Hong Kong."

Marge: "C'mon, Homer, Japan will be fun! You liked Rashomon!"

Homer: "That's not how I remember it."

- The Simpsons

Message on a Mobile

(to the tune of "Message in a Bottle," by The Police)

Just a castaway, an island lost at sea, oh
Another lonely day, with no one texting me, oh
More loneliness than any man could bear, oh
Text to me before I fall into despair, oh
I'll send an SMS to the world
I'll send an SMS to the world
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message on a mobile, yeah
Message on a mobile, yeah

Sending out an SMS
Sending out an SMS
Sending out an SMS . . .

The Calm

We often hear about the calm before the storm, but there must also be another calm, the one after the storm, right? Why don't we hear about that one? Isn't that the nicer one? When you get right down to it, the calm before the storm isn't very calming, is it? That one doesn't relax us. Nobody says, "hey, this must be the calm before the storm, quick, let's have a picnic!" Maybe we should try saying that, but we don't. The calm before the storm is a nervous calm.

The calm after the storm, though, that one is the "let's roast marshmallows" calm. Maybe it's the "find a stick in the wreckage and play stickball" calm. Maybe it's the "take a picture, because they're never going to believe this" calm. But it's the one where you always relax. Given a choice, I'll take that one every time.

WordPop Strategy Guide

WordPop is a great game for Palm OS. It is a word game similar to Boggle, but because you can turn the playing field and slide the letter tiles around, it also has Tetris-like elements to it. WordPop has a lot of potential for replayability. My personal highest scoring words so far are WHEREVER, JALOPIES and FLAPPING for 190 points each, and QUILTERS and TAXATIONS for 180 points each.

Here is my strategy guide to the game.

Start of board: Trouble Letters: each time you get a new board full of letters, start by looking for the "difficult" letters Q, J, X, Y and Z. Note the positions of these letters (if they appear), because they can cause trouble for you later if you can't find words for them early on. Your goal should be to get rid of these letters soon. They can be very good because they are high-scoring, but you should use them up early in the board while you still have a lot of options. Remember not to use up all the U's while you still have a Q. Some boards have a Q and only one U.

Start of board: High Scoring Words: the other thing to do at the beginning of a board is to try to find high-scoring 7+ letter words. You may find one that can be spelled on the very first move. You may also find a "close call," a 7+ letter word that you can almost spell, but some letters are out of position. Make a small word that shifts the tiles so that you can make your big word on move 2.

Middle game: vowel/consonant ratio: in the middle game of each board, pay attention to the ratio of vowels to consonants. Obviously, if you wind up in the end game with 9 consonants and 0 vowels (or the reverse) you are in big trouble. Try to keep the vowel/consonant mix approximately even. If the board is vowel-heavy, start making small words with more vowels than consonants until the ratio evens out. If your board is vowel-poor, do the opposite and make a few words like "depth" or "tasks" to even things up. If you get through the middle game with a good balance of vowels and consonants, the end game will be a snap.

End game: When you get to the end game, the object should be to avoid using your blank or extra letters if at all possible. It may be better to make a few low scoring words and clear the board than make a high scoring word that requires you to use a blank tile on your next move. Plan ahead. Once the board is down to around 7 tiles, I don't make another word until I have a plan that accounts for all the remaining tiles.

First Date

Open Brackets has a pretty funny first date story.

Lounging on the Ice Mattress

A recent poem by Crystallyn goes like this:

The Eyes Begin to Draw Stars

They told me about it, their voices calm,
music low; it was snowing outside.
I didn't hear them.
I was watching the way the water fell--
a frozen shower of winter stars,
layering sparkles of white on
the ice-topped canal.
I thought it was like a fluffy blanket--
maybe I could crawl under and curl
up, fishes dreaming beneath my
mattress of ice, the sound of
duck wings whirring me to sleep.

I like this poem a lot. I like the image of the mattress of ice, and reading such a wintry poem on a warm Spring day like this is the next best thing to air conditioning. I can imagine the poem also working without the "I didn't hear them" line, though omitting it might change the emphasis a bit.

Does Garlic Cheese Bread Have the Buddha-Nature?

Dale writes about the concept of "enlightenment."

It's curious how much attention people who don't practice in the Buddhist tradition give to the concept of "enlightenment," and how little people who do practice give it. You would think it would be the other way around: that those people who are most interested in enlightenment would be those who would most want to practice. But in fact a dead giveaway of a person who's new to Buddhist practice is that they have lots of questions about enlightenment. Does it include this? Does it look like that? And of course what the questions give you is a precise map of their obsessive cravings and fears. Does it include romantic love? Oral sex? Garlic cheese bread? Does it look like loneliness? Boredom? Indifference?

If enlightenment doesn't include anchovies, you can keep it.

Web browser text replacement

Why not have a web browser feature that can do on-the-fly search and replace of keywords in the content? The user could supply a custom list of words or phrases and their replacements. This would be pretty easy to do, and could have a wide variety of uses.

Doublespeak Replacement: Set it to automatically replace the phrase "security contractors" with "mercenaries," and so on. The news might seem realistic again.

Spin Generator: This type of list would add "flavor" by replacing neutral terms with more charged ones.

Foul language eliminator: Make the Web PG-13! Replace "hell" with "heck," or replace c********* with "scoundrel."

Medievalizer: Replace "the" with "ye," "you" with "thou," etc.

Compressor: Replace wordy phrases with shorter ones. Replace "at this point in time" with "now," etc.

Super compressor: Replace "You know what I'm saying?" and "At the end of the day," with ""

How about it? Will we see this in some future version of Mozilla?

Amity Vineyards 2001 Oregon Dry Riesling

The name does not lie, this is a very dry Riesling. I am not normally a fan of Rieslings, and maybe that has something to do with why I like this wine so much. It is a perfect wine for the hot Spring weather we've been having here in Portland. If you enjoy a "crisp" refreshing wine, give this a try.

U.S. 5, Brazil 1 (Women's Soccer)

Mia Hamm proved she is still one of the world's top players today with one goal and three assists. Mia showed she can beat Brazil in nearly every aspect of the game. She can set up goals with free kicks, she can dribble past defenders along the wing, she can place a one-touch pass at a teammate's feet in the penalty box, and she can score goals.

Abby Wambach played only the first half but scored two goals and could easily have had a hat trick if she had played the rest of the game. She may be the most dangerous U.S. player in the air.

For me, the surprise of the game was Christie Rampone, who had an outstanding game for the U.S. on defense. She looked rock-solid and turned back attack after attack by Brazil.

Brazil's players made many good individual runs, but seemed unable to connect on the last pass to set up a scoring chance. Oddly, Brazil kept trying the long ball and high crosses all day long without success. Their only goal was set up by a bad clearance by the U.S. defense.

Kristin Luckenbill came in as a substitute goalkeeper in the second half, her first appearance for the U.S. National Team, but was not called on to do much because the ball was so often at the other end of the field.

Rust Reversal

A fountain downtown used to be covered with a layer of rust, which added a wistful quality of decay, bringing to mind the passage of time and the impermanence of all things.

I walked by today and saw that the fountain has been cleaned up. It now looks like a bunch of shiny silver boxes. But I think it looks much worse. It is boring now. There is nothing "there" when I look at it any more. Maybe part of the fun will be watching the rust slowly reappear, though. How long will it take?

Now look what you've done!

What do you do when some of your fellow citizens get taken hostage by terrorists, threatened with execution, then finally released? Well, in Japan you blame the victims for causing a problem and send them a hefty bill. As the story explains:

"You got what you deserve!" read one hand-written sign at the airport where they landed. "You are Japan's shame," another wrote on the Web site of one of the former hostages. They had "caused trouble" for everybody. The government, not to be outdone, announced it would bill the former hostages $6,000 for air fare.

[. . .] Treated like criminals, the three former hostages have gone into hiding, effectively becoming prisoners inside their own homes. The kidnapped woman, Nahoko Takato, was last seen arriving at her parents' house, looking defeated and dazed from tranquilizers, flanked by relatives who helped her walk and bow deeply before reporters, as a final apology to the nation.

Dr. Satoru Saito, a psychiatrist who examined the three former hostages twice since their return, said the stress they were enduring now was "much heavier" than what they experienced during their captivity in Iraq.

The issue seems to be that they ignored a Japanese government warning advising them not to travel to Iraq. Oops.

Skateboarding Dog: Must-See Video!

Oh. My. God. This is the best video I've ever seen on the Internet. This dog can skateboard really, really well! Click on the link to the video. (via ApeChild)

Enjoy or Suffer

LanguageLog, quoting Agoraphilia, comments on how "enjoy" and "suffer from" are new variants on "have." As in, for example, "Americans enjoy the right to vote," or "Many Americans suffer from stress-related illness." But reading this post, I couldn't help but construct an imaginary dialogue:

"Do you enjoy a computer?"

"Actually, I suffer from a Windows ME machine."

Mercenaries in Iraq, part 2

Like I said, they are mercenaries. (New York Times, site requires free registration.) Quote:

[. . .] they are there, racing about Iraq in armored cars, many outfitted with the latest in high-end combat weapons. Some security companies have formed their own "Quick Reaction Forces," and their own intelligence units that produce daily intelligence briefs with grid maps of "hot zones." One company has its own helicopters, and several have even forged diplomatic alliances with local clans.

Far more than in any other conflict in United States history, the Pentagon is relying on private security companies to perform crucial jobs once entrusted to the military.

[. . .] more and more, they give the appearance of private, for-profit militias — by several estimates, a force of roughly 20,000 on top of an American military presence of 130,000.

During the drive home

While listening to a CD of flamenco singing on the car stereo.

Me: Did he just say 'La Vida Loca?'

Her: It's hard to tell, they slur their words in this kind of singing.

Me: Originally that was due to drunkenness, but now it's just part of the "style."

Her (unsure if I'm joking): No, I mean in this dialect of Spanish, they slur their words more.

Me: Originally that was due to drunkenness, but now it's considered an "official dialect."

Malice, Stupidity, and Much Much More

Hanlon's Razor: "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."

Iron Monkey's After-Shave: Never attribute to malice or stupidity that which can be adequately explained by the complexity or ambiguity of the underlying situation.

Freddy Adu's first professional goal

Freddy Adu's first pro goal came in the 75th minute of today's MLS game between DC United and the Metrostars. It was a quirky goal, and I had to watch the replay a few times to figure out exactly what happened. Josh Gros dribbled down the left wing, tightly marked by a defender. He beat his man with a low, slow cross. The ball came straight for a second defender who slipped and fell down without being able to block it. Then a third defender ran right past the ball, perhaps not expecting it to make it that far. Freddy Adu took advantage of the opportunity and scored easily from about 3 yards out. The odd nature of the goal should not take anything away from Adu's performance, though. He positioned himself in the right place to take advantage of a mistake by the opposition.

Soccer Rant

Why are on-target shots so hard to come by in soccer? In basketball, where the target is only slightly larger than the ball, most shots either score or at least hit the rim. Yet in soccer, where the target is roughly 100 times bigger than the ball, a large percentage of shots go wide by yards or sail high above the crossbar. I played soccer in school, and of course not all of my shots were on-target either, but I wasn't a professional; can't the pros learn not to shoot 10 feet above the crossbar? With a lot of the shots I've seen today, the role of goalkeeper could have been played by a cardboard cutout of William Shatner for all the difference it would have made.

Treachery in the Home

One of our cats, whom we suspect of clawing the furniture when we aren't looking, has earned himself the new nickname Osama Been Clawin'.

Mercenaries in Iraq

According to The Guardian:

It is thought up to 10,000 "security consultants" - who critics say would be more accurately described as mercenaries - are working in Iraq, on salaries at anything between £600 and £3,000 a day.

I'm getting really tired of hearing about how a bunch of guys with guns patrolling a war zone are "consultants." Come on, a consultant is a guy in a suit who shows you a Powerpoint presentation and babbles about enhancing productivity and adding value. A guy who carries automatic weapons and provides "security" during a war is a mercenary.

Now, I'm not saying there is necessarily anything wrong with being a mercenary, or with using mercenaries. Mercenaries have been around for thousands of years, probably for as long as there have been wars, and now they have become "corporate warriors". But I think it is ridiculous to try to sugar-coat everything with doublespeak. To see how silly the term "consultants" really is in this context, try it out in a sentence like this: "The Roman Empire needed more manpower to defend its borders, so it employed the Visigoths as consultants." Yeah, that's the perfect term.

How not to use ladders

The Naval Safety Center web site has some amusing pictures of what not to do, including this one of a guy who didn't have a long enough ladder, so he balanced smaller ladders on top of each other. (via This Is Broken)

New cocktail

Here's my latest cocktail creation, the "Xander" (named after the character on Buffy, the Vampire Slayer):

• 1 part Godiva chocolate liqueur
  
• 3 parts Skyy Vanilla vodka
  
• 3 parts Lemon Perrier

Shake the vodka and Godiva with ice and strain into martini glasses. Then add the Perrier and stir.

Howard Sherman's blog has an article about small local amusement parks. When I was a kid here in Portland, the local park that we loved was Oaks Park, on the East bank of the Willamette River. Though my father did not like amusement parks, he was nice enough to take me and my brother there occasionally. Oaks Park also had roller skating, and one area of the floor had some undulating bumps, kind of like waves.

Though the Oaks Park of my youth didn't have the huge, spectacular rides that some of the nationally known parks had, it was still great fun, and the convenience of it (only a 15 minute drive from home) was very appealing.

The Freddy Adu Report, part 2

Freddy Adu played all of the second half of today's MLS soccer match between D.C. United and Los Angeles. Freddy made some good moves and created scoring chances. Probably one of the most effective tactics for a flashy, much-hyped new player is to lure multiple defenders to himself and then pass the ball off to an open teammate. And he will draw defenders, because no team wants to look bad by letting a 14-year-old score goals on them. If Freddy can get comfortable with this role, at least in the short term, he can probably wind up with a few assists. Freddy took a shot from inside the penalty box in the 90th minute, but the LA keeper stopped the shot.

The spectacular play of the day actually went to LA's Ruiz, who whirled around at the top of the box in the 85th minute and scored a goal that brought his team even at 1-1. LA had a good chance to win the game in injury time, but could not convert, so the game ended in a 1-1 draw.

Landsailing

I took a day-trip to Cannon Beach today, and saw this landsailer getting ready to go. It wasn't extremely windy, but there was enough wind for this vehicle to cruise around.

The water at the Oregon coast is extremely cold, so people find other things to do at the beach that don't involve getting in the water. I only saw a few people wading in, and I saw one guy in a full wetsuit surfing.

Diving

In today's MLS soccer match between Chicago and San Jose, the ESPN2 announcer explained that DaMarcus Beasley's dive near the penalty box was "a smart play" after "he looked up and didn't have any options." I think this is horrible announcing. A truly smart play would have been to either dribble past the defender and score a goal, or pass the ball off to someone else and try to get open. When a player can't beat his defender and tries to make up for it by theatrics, this is not a "smart play." It cheapens the game, and ought to be penalized by the referee.

Soma

Soma is that rare, elusive type of band that manages to be the perfect down-tempo, chill-out music, yet without being boring or depressing. Whenever I play this, people ask, "wow, what IS this?" Highly recommended.

Documentaries

Since getting Tivo, I've been watching a lot more documentaries. The History Channel is now one of my favorites. What does this have to do with Tivo? I think the connection is that I probably don't want to watch a whole documentary at one sitting, especially if it is an hour or longer. But if I can watch at my own pace, a little at a time, I love documentaries.

Futon potato

I thought I was getting pretty good at meditation, but then I realized I was just sitting around.

Kickin' out the jams

My girlfriend is out of town on a business trip, which means that I can listen to music at the satisfyingly high volume levels that God intended when He inspired man to invent the amplifier. If the soles of my feet can't detect the floor shaking, my mind clouds with doubt that I'm getting my money's worth out of my stereo system.

Anyway, this reminded me of a quote from the May '04 issue of Cycle World. Someone had written a letter asking about vibration in motorcycles, and the answer said (in part):

[ . . . ] There are some frequencies that everybody loves and others that everybody hates, but there's also a lot of frequencies whose impact is not so cut-and-dried. Depending upon many physical factors, including size, weight, bone structure and body density, some riders find certain frequencies bothersome or even debilitating while other riders do not.

When designing the C5 Corvette in the 1990s, General Motors conducted extensive research in this field. Those studies found that the previous generation of 'Vettes had natural resonant frequencies that went unnoticed by most men but tended to have an unpleasant effect on large numbers of women. Further research then attributed this phenomenon to the simple fact that most female bodies fall within a significantly different range of resonant frequencies than those of most men. As a result, the engineers spent huge amounts of development time and money "tuning" the C5 chassis to avoid the frequency ranges that annoy females while still allowing most males to receive the kind of sensory input they prefer.

This may answer two mysteries that I've long wondered about: why so many women dislike 80's Corvettes, and why men and women often disagree about loud music. (My girlfriend does occasionally listen to quite loud music, but it is a different type of music than what I usually play, so it may accentuate a different frequency range.)

When I think of Corvettes, I always think of the unintentionally-hilarious movie Corvette Summer, starring Mark Hamill.

My conversation with Catty

The following is my actual conversation with the Bot called Catty, which I found via Collision Detection.

You: tell me a story
Cat: previous random next never let your barber tell you a story

You: so the story is about a barber?
Cat: the story his father tells him is about a so-called beautiful maiden

You: what makes her so beautiful?
Cat: the myths also state that a large city once stood here which was so beautiful the gods became jealous and sent a flood that swallowed it up entirely in a single day...

You: sounds like an Ark would be nice to have
Cat: it would be nice to have something happen

You: ok, so back to the story. What happens to the maiden?
Cat: ha ha ha anyway back to the story :)

You: Yes. Tell me about the maiden.
Cat: wild women wild women now i cdont want you folks to misconstrue what fim about to say to you but im cgonna tell you about the g7women in my clife

You: She was wil.d
Cat: mashi did nassur ever tell you about when he recognized his wife

You: she was his wife?
Cat: despite the fact that his wife also came from a noble family according to the biographical sources she was immoral and committed shameful debaucheries and therefore gangolf had to flee :0

You: And his name was Gangolf. Sounds like Gandalf.
Cat: his name was eurybates and ulysses treated him with greater familiarity than he did any of the others as being the most like-minded with himself

You: Are we on the Odyssey now?
Cat: since belshazzar was the subordinate of nabonidus his name was forgotten because the ancient babylonian and greek historians were primarily interested in the reigns of the official kings :-(

You: This story is complicated.
Cat: if this story is relocated please leave my name intact as the author and please include my email address? ;)

You: Tell me more about the King.
Cat: here is a link to a page that will tell you more about resource types.

You: Did you see Return of the King, by the way?
Cat: click here to read more about the edition history of the text :*

You: I like Lord of the Rings
Cat: legolas the elf in the lord of the rings trilogy :(

You: I like Gandalf better then Legolas
Cat: but one of the great things about the lord of the rings is the fact that they are very grounded in character and relationship

You: You are right. Also Lord of the Rings creates a believable world.

Cat: just as lord of the rings did earlier this year a great movie has brought parents and kids together in shared family entertainment :>

You: What about Batman?
Cat: kekez i still havent see lord of the rings sweatdrop and i have exams

You: Spiderman?
Cat: i do not know if the new star wars movie will beat out lord of the rings...

You: No, it won't. Lord of the Rings will rule them all.
Cat: what follows is a rather disturbing introduction to the race of morlocks an underground lord of the rings ork-like creature? :P

You: But the Morlocks were from H.G. Wells.
Cat: if they were from england their vocals might actually match :*

You: I guess in a way the Morlocks were from England. They probably played cricket.
Cat: my son attended a britannia soccer camp a few years back and the instructors all from england used the term and again to initiate a wall pass

Freddy Adu's Soccer Debut in the MLS

A sellout crowd for MLS opening day in D.C. got to see 14 year old Freddy Adu, the youngest player in MLS history, and the youngest person to play on a professional team in the U.S. in over 100 years. Adu did not start the game, but came on as a substitute in the second half. DC United hosted the San Jose Earthquakes.

In the first half, DC United had a free kick outside the left corner of the penalty area, and Jaime Moreno scored the first goal on a header to put DC up 1-0.

A few minutes later, the referee awarded San Jose a penalty kick after DC's keeper Nick Rimando fouled Brian Mullan as both players charged toward the ball. This call may have been a bit controversial, since Rimando was going for the ball, and arguably the contact was unintentional and incidental. But as I see it, the problem with Rimando's play was that he made no effort to avoid striking Mullan. Rimando went for the ball and missed, but afterwards he kept his arm extended and so his follow-through struck Mullan in the upper chest and neck area. Ekelund converted the penalty kick with a hard shot into the upper left corner of the net and tied the score at 1-1.

A few minutes later DC's Eskandarian scored on a low shot that went in off the right goalpost, with an assist by Moreno. This put DC up 2-1.

In the second half, DC almost scored a third goal when Bobby Convey went on a breakaway and dribbled past the goalkeeper, but his shot at the open net just barely missed wide left.

In the 58th minute, DC's Moreno beat 2 defenders and dribbled all the way to the goal line then shot from an impossible angle. The ball deflected off a defender's leg and into the net, but the referee signaled no goal, claiming that the ball had been out of bounds across the goal line before Moreno shot. Instant replay showed that the ball was not completely over the line and so it was still in bounds. The goal should have counted.

In the 61st minute, Freddy Adu came onto the field as a substitute. He played a calm and sensible game, without trying anything too fancy.

Landon Donovan almost tied the game in the 65th minute with a shot from the top of the area, but an acrobatic save by Rimando prevented the tying goal.

The game ended on an unpleasant note with two players getting red cards: one in the 76th minute to San Jose's Waibel for a dangerous tackle on Moreno, then another in the 80th minute to Kovalenko (DC) for elbowing.

The final score was 2-1 in favor of DC United.

Comments are back

I've finally turned comments back on for this site.