Cage Fighting in Portland

The Oregonian reports that Portland will have a Cage fighting event today called Bikes, Babes & Brawls:

Between 3,000 and 6,000 people are expected to gather outside the Safari Showclub to watch men get into bloody "ultimate-fighting" battles in a cage.

In fact, everything will revolve around the cage. Motorcycle acrobats will jump over it. Heavy-metal bands will perform in it. Women in skimpy bikinis will wash motorcycles and breathe fire (yes, fire) near it. Booze will surround it.

I found a poster for the event online, but the poster appears to say Pro Gage Fighting. That sure looks like a G and not a C. They should call it Bikes, Babes & Brawls, But Not Spelling Bees. The Ogre-Onion continues with some words of wisdom from the club manager:

"When you're dealing with cage-fight enthusiasts, and you pour liquor into them, you need to have adequate security."

Hmm, good thinking. Then a neighbor poses this question:

"People are going to drive by and see what's happening," she said. "How do you explain to your child why there are nearly naked women out there washing bikes and men fighting in cages?"

I don't see why that's so hard to explain. Here are some suggested phrases for confused parents:

• Those are motorcycles. Those women are washing them because they are dirty. They are wearing bikinis so they don't get their clothes all wet and soapy. Those guys are fighting in a competition. Sport fighting has been around throughout human history, and continues to enjoy popularity today in such forms as Boxing, Wrestling, Judo, Tae Kwan Do, and Fencing, all of which are featured in the Olympic Games. Other types like Sumo, Kickboxing, and Cage Fighting are not in the Olympics, but could be someday if the Olympics need a ratings boost.
  
• Honey, this is just like a Reality TV show, but without the cameras.
• When people grow up and become adults, some of them want to watch cage fights, motorcycles and fire-breathing strippers. It's perfectly natural, just like erosion.
  
• If you study hard and get good grades, I'll take you to see the cage fights next year.
• If you eat your spinach and work out, you can compete in the cage fights some day.